My Leprechaun Can Beat Up Your Leprechaun

Here we see the American Lucky as he appears on a typical box of delicious Lucky Charms. Note the dark outlines, tanned skin, rosy cheeks, and mussy-looking red hair. Also note that no cartoon character that has ever appeared on a cereal box has ever expressed anything over than delerious ecstasy. Look at that shit-eating grin! Every other cereal mascot has the exact same shit-eating grin! It's really frightening once you start looking for it.

Here we see the Canadian version as he appears on a typical box of Lucky Charms. He is pasty-white as can be -- the outline around his face is white, even. Is General Mills implying that Canadians have no sun to tan in? Also note his seriously frightening overbite. The more you stare at it, the more he looks like a beaver or something.

Here is AmeriLucky as he appears on my box of Shmorky-O's Breakfast Crunch (Net weight: A Ton Of Fun). You'll note it appears that the Trix rabbit has punched out his lower row of teeth, and he looks almost queasy. He's certainly not as enthusiastic about Shmorky-O's Breakfast Crunch as he is about his Lucky Charms. He's also pointing nowhere in particular. I think he might supposed to be pointing to the name of the cereal, except he totally fucking missed and is pointing off the side of the box.

This is CanuckLucky as he appears on the boxflap of my box of Lucky Charms. I cannot picture him saying anything but "You go, girl!" I have no fucking idea why they would pose him that way. Even more disturbing is his face -- it's the EXACT SAME FACE as on the front of the box. It almost begins to look desperate if you stare at it long enough. Those eyes begin to plead with you. "I haven't moved my jaw in years," they say. "My mouth muscles are in their own seperate universe of pain."

This is on the side of my box of American Lucky Charms. Could some American, please explain to me what the FUCK THIS IS? I don't know where to begin describing all the levels of wrongness this abomination creates.
Canadians have no equivalent.